(Excuse me Leigh, what?)
I know it sounds crazy. It felt crazy writing it. But it's true.
I don't mean it in the sense that I wish I was sicker. At all. I mean it in the sense that I wish I didn't have to be sicker to feel validated in my feelings and in my struggles.
If you're also sick you probably are nodding your head in agreement right now. And, if you aren't, please teach me your ways, because it's a constant battle. Between doctors not being able to treat me because I "don't have enough Lyme" and people telling me that I'm lucky I don't have (insert another disease here) it feels like it never ends.
It feels like I'm never "sick enough" to be allowed to feel the way I do.
In my heart I know that my battle is real. And I know that my progress is enough. And I know that my feelings are okay. But it's hard to see people who physically appear sicker being validated in their struggles while I, and so many other people with Lyme and other invisible illnesses, are left hanging. It's not that I don't think that those people that do appear sicker outwardly don't deserve it. (And I hate that I even have to say that, but I know that it will be taken the wrong way if I don't. "Leigh thinks she's worse off than everyone else and she's jealous that she doesn't get attention." Wrong.) I just believe that whether you can see it on the outside or not, sick is sick. Struggles are struggles. And no one "wins" the award for being sickest, because every single person is fighting their own battle.
I shouldn't look at a picture on an article about a girl who has tubes hanging out of her and be jealous that I don't have one anymore because then I actually felt like I was allowed to feel the way that I do. I shouldn't be jealous of a Lyme friend who is sick from a new treatment just because I can't find a doctor who can/will treat me. I shouldn't get offended when someone says "oh but you look great!" But I do. I do all of those things. And I know I'm not the only one.
The fact of the matter is, when you look sick, people believe you're sick. Be it a doctor, a family member, a random person, a friend, whatever. And when people believe you're sick, you don't feel alone in your journey. When you don't feel alone in your journey, you feel like the way you're feeling is allowed. When you feel like the way you're feeling is allowed (when your feelings are validated) you don't feel crazy.
So if you have someone in your life that has Lyme, or any kind of invisible illness, or even a visible one...tell them that they're allowed to feel the way they do. It sounds silly. But it will make a difference. Help them feel validated. Even if you just shoot them a quick text telling them that you know they're struggling and that you're there for them. That's all it takes. It will make more of a difference than you can imagine.
It's hard to fight when your body is fighting against you. It's even harder to fight when your head is telling you that you aren't sick enough to be sick.
So, if no one has told you lately, you are enough. No matter what you're fighting through. You're doing it.
You are allowed to feel the way you're feeling.
It is okay.
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