Tonight my body hurts. My brain hurts. My heart hurts. My insides feel like they're shaking. I was in a room with fluorescent lights earlier today and I'll feel the effects throughout my body until I go to sleep tonight, at least, possibly longer. I can't stop sweating, even sitting in the air conditioning. Words are difficult. And I'm sad for no real reason. I'm sitting in a room with one of my best friends, my mom, and my puppy. I'm watching a show that I love. And I'm in my own home. But I can feel the anxiety creeping up in my chest. The lump is forming in my throat.
It doesn't make sense.
But that's the thing about Lyme. It doesn't make sense.
I'd like to think I'm pretty smart. I always did really well in school. (Besides the four times it took for me to get the history credits I needed in college. But shh, not important.) I've guessed who the bad guy was on Pretty Little Liars successfully a few times. And I'm really good at the wheel of fortune board game.
But, for the life of me, I can't wrap my head around why my body is betraying me. I can't understand why my body is blatantly screaming that it's not okay, yet I'm sitting here with no doctor who can help me. I don't know what it's going to take for the world to see that what I, and so many other people, deal with every day is real. And serious. And just as important as other illnesses out there.
It makes me mad. And while my anger gives me the push I need to keep going to try and figure it out, that doesn't make it easier.
It makes me sad. So sad. And there's no way around that.
Lyme sucks. And sometimes there's no other way to say it.
If you have your health, please, please don't take it for granted.
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