Understanding.

When I set out on this blogging journey, one of the main things I wanted to come from it was understanding. When it comes to chronic illness, understanding is hard. To be completely honest, I don't even understand my own situation half the time, and I'm living it. So, it's hard to expect anyone who doesn't live with it to understand, either. 

But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't want you to understand. 

(Wait Leigh, what?!)

I don't want you to understand the pain that I constantly feel. Because to truly understand you would have to be feeling it yourself. I don't want you to understand the struggle of getting a doctor or getting the treatment you so desperately need. Because to truly understand you would have to have experienced it yourself. I don't want you to understand the fear. Because to truly understand you would have to also be afraid. 

And I don't want you to truly understand any of that. Nobody should have to understand any of that. 

What I do want is for you to understand that there are steps you can take to make sure you don't ever really understand. You don't have to feel the pain that I feel. You don't have to go through the doctor struggles that I do. And you don't have to be afraid like I am. 

What I do want you to understand is that all of my issues started with a tiny bug. We are gigantic humans compared to those tiny bugs. They are tough, but we are tougher. 

As long as you understand that they exist, they suck (literally and figuratively), and that you can help yourself and the people around you never have to deal with what they can do...it is my hope that you will never have to truly understand.