Confidence.

I think the hardest answer (and the one I never really talk about) to "how does your Lyme affect you?" is that it has completely zapped my confidence. 

It's hard to feel good about yourself when you feel so bad. It's hard to feel good about yourself when your body is actively fighting against you. It's hard to feel good about yourself when the medicines you have to take turn your body into something that it wasn't before. It's hard to feel good about yourself when getting out of bed is hard enough in itself, let alone doing your hair, or wearing makeup, or anything like that. It's hard to feel good about yourself when the only clothes that don't hurt you are sports bras, loose tshirts, and yoga pants. And it's hard to feel good about yourself while you have to sit and watch your life pass you by instead of doing what you worked so hard for. 

But, you know what does make me feel good about myself? 

Telling you this. 

Because telling you this might help you never have to experience the same thing for the same reason. If you think twice about pulling a tick off and just throwing it away, I will feel a little better. If you make an appointment with your doctor because you feel like something Lyme-like is going on, I will feel a little better. If you even read this and think about Lyme, I will feel a little better. 

Because, after all, the best kind of confidence doesn't come from how you look, or what you wear. The best kind of confidence is the kind you get from doing something good for someone else. And I hope everyday that I can do that for you. I'll hang onto that for now and the rest will find its way back to me in time. 

So, when you ask me how my Lyme affects me, know that it's not only physical. It's not only neurological. But it's also emotional. You can't see it on the outside. But it's there. 

It's definitely there.