"Are you ever going to get a job?"

This one is, by far, the hardest for me. It's a weird place to be --I've graduated college, I have a national certification in my field...and when people ask me "oh what are you doing these days" or "where are you working," I am left without an answer, every single time. I absolutely understand how that doesn't make sense to anyone looking in from the outside. Why would I go to college, work so hard to get through college, study my butt off for my certification, receive my certification, and then spend my days not doing what I worked so hard for? 

I know it crosses people's minds...

"She's just lazy." ...false. 

"Maybe she couldn't find a job." ...nope. 

"Maybe she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life." ...I know exactly what I want to do with my life. I've worked long and hard for it, and it's no longer just what I want to do with my life...it's what I will do with my life. 

I fully believe in giving 100% of myself to everything that I do. I did it through school, and I do it in every aspect of my life. Working is no different. If I have a job, I'm going to give 100% of myself to it. But, right now, I don't have 100% to give. 

If I could have a job, and if I could give 100% of myself to that job, you better believe I would have one. But, like I said in my "you're so lucky you can just lay around all day" post, (have you read it? If not, what are you waiting for? Get to it!) I am working hard. Not working like you are working, most likely. Not working like I planned on working at this point in my life. But, I am working. My life isn't like yours, my work isn't like your work. But, one day I will have the kind of job I expected to have at this point in my life. And that will be the best day ever. But, for now, I'm going to give as much of my 100% as I can muster towards finding answers and, ultimately, finding remission. 

Some people take off time to travel the world. Some people take off time to have a family. Some people take off time to find themselves. I am taking this time to find my 100%. One pill at a time. One injection at a time. One doctors appointment at a time. One good day at a time. One bad day at a time. It's all part of my 100%, and I will get it back. 

It's not the answer people want to hear during our chat in the checkout line when they ask what I'm doing with my life--and to be completely honest, I haven't mastered an answer, yet--but, this is the truth. It's my truth. And it will all work out in the end.