Saturday, May 17, 2014

Apologies.

Apologies are a weird thing when you're sick. It's a constant battle knowing when, and if, I need to apologize. 

Do I need to apologize for being sick? It's not my fault, but I do recognize that it makes things hard sometimes for people around me. Do I need to apologize for having to cancel plans? I don't do it on purpose, and I hate having to do it, but it does happen, and I feel bad about it. Do i need to apologize for complaining? I don't do it often, but sometimes I feel like I am actually going to explode if I don't complain a little. But I do know that it can be annoying. Do I need to apologize for not being the person I'm supposed to be at this point in my life? ...That's the hardest one. 

I do everything I can. I try as hard as I know how to try. But sometimes I feel like I need to put out a public service announcement apologizing to everyone in my world for making things tough. 

And, sometimes, I feel like I need to apologize to myself. For being sick. For being needy. For still living at home. For not being who I thought I would be at this point in my life. 

I know that someday things will come back together and feel okay again. But, for now, I am sorry. 

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