When you find out someone else has Lyme.

Finding out that someone else in your life has Lyme is strange. It's a feeling unlike any other, really. It brings about emotions that you don't know what to do with. It's a punch in the stomach, lump in the back of your throat, shaky hands, have to take a breath, kind of moment. It's something you aren't really ever prepared for.

It doesn't really matter how you know the person. It doesn't matter if you like them. It doesn't matter if you are friends with them or not. It doesn't matter if you will ever talk to them about it or not. Finding out that they have it feels the same no matter what.

There's the relief that comes along with knowing that you aren't alone. It's so nice to know that someone else shares your story. When you hear that someone else has been through the same thing it validates your situation just a little more. Not that you need to be validated by anyone else--but as someone with Lyme, you've been knocked down, you've been doubted, and you've been told that you're faking so many times that it's nice to hear that someone else knows what you're talking about.

But there's also a sense of sadness that comes along with it. Sadness for them. Sadness that they have felt the pain that you've felt. Felt the fear that you've felt. Felt the uncertainty that you've felt. Struggled the same way that you've struggled. Been where you've been. And also sadness for yourself. Sadness that you understand where they've been. Sadness for both of you. Sadness that you can relate. Because no one should know what you know.

There's also a sense of jealousy that you can't help but feel if they are better and you aren't. No matter how hard you try and avoid the "why me" feelings, this is the time that they tend to creep in. And then you get angry at yourself for feeling jealous. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. But goodness, it is hard to keep it away when you see someone else getting the one thing you want--their life back.

So, if reading my blog has ever brought about those feelings in you, I am sorry. I know how real those feelings are. I know how intense they are. And I never wish them on you.

The only one I do wish for you is that you always know that you aren't alone.

Ever.