"It's worth it."

"It's worth it."

It's something I tell myself every single day.

It's worth it to push myself out of my bed to do something with a friend just so I'm not alone. It's worth it to walk the few extra steps with someone just because I don't want to tell them that I'm hurting. It's worth it to listen to someone else talk about their story just so they know they aren't alone. It's worth it to put myself through hell, treatment wise, because something has to work at some point.

And I'm not writing this right now because I think otherwise. I haven't changed my mind.

But, I have been thinking about it lately. And thinking about how it's kind of sad. I shouldn't have to think about every single little thing before I do it and wonder whether or not it's going to be worth it.

...am I going to be able to move afterwards?

...is it going to flare my symptoms?

...can I get through it without crying?

...will I pass out?

...can I do it with the medicine I'm on?

...will there be someone there who knows I'm sick? Just in case.

...can I handle today?

...can I fake it today?

...is it really worth it?

It's such a weird feeling. It's such a weird thing to have to think about before every thing you do and every decision you make.

But, most of the time the answer is yes. Yes, it's worth it. Living with Lyme is hard. But living in general is pretty good. So pushing through is worth it.

It's worth it.