Safe.

Being sick is scary. Sometimes it's hard to feel safe. Not necessarily safe in your surroundings (though sometimes that is true--in hospitals, in new doctors offices, in public when you aren't feeling well, etc.) but safe in your own body. Your body is a constant war zone. It's constantly fighting itself. There is rarely a calm moment. In your body or in your brain. 

So, it's of utmost importance to find things that make you feel safe. Things that, no matter what is going on inside of your body, make you feel secure on the outside. 

Here are mine:

1. My moose. I have a stuffed moose that was given to me by my bereavement counselor when my grandfather died when I was 14. It has slept in my bed every night since. It went to two different colleges with me. It's lying next to me right now. It's head is barely hanging on. It's stuffing is flat. But it makes me feel safe. When I feel like my body is so against me that nothing is ever going to be okay again, I cry into it. When I feel like I can't breathe, I hold onto it with all of my might that I have left. When I come home from a surgery, my mom lays it next to me when I get back into my own bed. It makes me feel okay. 
2. My car. When I'm in a public place, I get anxious. Not because I am scared of the place or the people or anything like that. I get anxious because I'm afraid I'm going to not feel well all of a sudden (due to past experiences) and I'm not going to be able to get to my car. So, when I'm in places and don't have access to my car, I feel scared. So, my car is another thing that definitely makes me feel safe. My car can take me home. My car can take me to where I can feel better. Or, if all else fails, I can sit in my car with the air conditioning blasting until I feel a little more okay again. 
3. My t-shirt blanket. I have a t-shirt quilt made out of all of my important t-shirts from high school and college. Band shirts, theatre shirts, more band shirts, camp shirts, more band shirts. I had it made a year or so after I graduated college. It goes with me to every surgery in my backpack. It's been to Pennsylvania a few times for treatment. And, even if it doesn't come out of the bag, I know it's there. (But most of the time it does come out of the bag.) 
4. My dog. I don't think I need to explain this one any further. 

When it comes down to it, it can be anything. The smallest thing, or something not tangible at all. Whatever makes you feel secure outside when you're living in a body that is so chaotic inside. The littlest thing can make a world of difference.