#5: forgiveness.
Yesterday I missed my blog post for the first time ever. I have always prided myself on being able to get a post in every day during May, no matter what. But last night I missed it. I fell asleep super early, slept through dinner time, slept through everything. My mom woke me up at midnight to make sure I took my medicine, and then I fell back asleep until this morning.
And I missed it.
I was so upset when I realized it this morning. Then I decided that I needed to forgive myself.
Forgiveness is vital when you're sick.
You have to be able to forgive the people who say things that hurt you. Sometimes the hurtful words are on purpose, but most of the time they just don't know what they're saying. Or the extent to which they're hurting you.
You have to be able to forgive everyone who doesn't believe you. They don't believe it because they've never lived it. It does seem unimaginable and unbelievable until you are living it.
You have to be able to forgive the doctors who have told you that it was all in your head. They ultimately lead you to the one who was willing to save you.
You have to be able to forgive the people who have left you. Not everyone can handle the life you've been given. Hell, sometimes you can't even handle it, so you can't expect anyone else to.
And, ultimately and most importantly, you have to be able to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you make. Forgive yourself for the things that you say when your brain is not yours--when it belongs to the bugs. Forgive yourself for the plans you have to cancel. Forgive yourself for the times you can't get your words to come out. Forgive yourself for the times you've called yourself stupid because you can't think like you used to. Forgive yourself for the guilt that you place on yourself. Forgive yourself for not living the life you planned to live. Forgive yourself for not being yourself.
Being sick is a journey that you're never going to forget--but you HAVE to be able to forgive.
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