Lyme month day 9–Try This Instead

Yesterday I talked about the dreaded phrase: “Well at least you don’t have...” And I asked that you try with everything you have not to use it. Because, no matter what, there is always something better to say than that. But it wouldn’t be effective, or helpful, of me ask you what not to do without giving you alternatives. So, here are 5 things you could say to someone instead when they tell you about their illness. Of course, these are not always the right thing to say. There are other things that may be better. And there are situational decisions that you will personally need to make. These are simply a few suggestions. 

1. “I don’t know much about that, but if you want to teach me I’d love to learn.”
2. “I’m here for you for whatever you need. I’m not sure what that might be, but I’m ready to listen when you’re ready to tell me!”
3. “Yeah dude, that sucks!” (Sometimes that’s all they want to hear! And that’s okay! You just have to gauge the situation and the person that you’re talking to. Be SURE to your audience before using this one!!) 
4. “I’m so sorry. I know this is hard on you.”
5. “I’m so glad you have an answer! I’m here for you now for whatever comes next. I care about you.” 

Remember, your goal is to validate the person instead of belittling them like the other phrase does. They have very strong emotions tied to what they have just told you. For example, when I tell you “I have Lyme,” it is not just a sentence to me—it is a sentence that sums up a huge, very emotional part of my existence. Therefore, in deciding on your response, remember to think about who you’re talking to. Think about how well you know them, what they have just told you, and what you actually are willing to give them after you say something to them. Don’t tell them that you’re willing to be there for them if you really aren’t. Don’t promise empty promises just for something to say.

I know that it can be an uncomfortable, overwhelming, situation when someone is telling you something serious about themselves. Just know that it’s hard for the person telling you as well. Try to focus on how not to make it even more uncomfortable for yourself, and then incredibly upsetting for them too, by using that one dreaded phrase. 

Because, no matter what, there is always something better to say than that.