Lyme month day 13—A Challenge

Sometimes I struggle to know when someone is legitimately asking me about myself and my health because they want to know the answer and when they are asking me because they think they are supposed to.

More often, I struggle to know when I should tell the truth and when I should give the answer that I think people want to hear. 

I was having a conversation with a friend the other night about this topic. I was telling her about another conversation that I just had where I told the truth—something I don’t normally do when someone asks how I’m doing. (Believe it or not as you sit here and read my brain pouring out through the keyboard for 31 days straight.) In that particular conversation that I was telling her about though, I didn’t initially tell the truth because I thought the person wanted to know it. I told the truth out of frustration. I was tired of the opinions that were being thrown at me. I was tired of the fact that the conversation would. not. end. And I was tired of the fact that I felt like the person I was talking to saw nothing else to talk about with me besides my health. So, I started giving the answers I don’t normally give. I started giving the full story. I started telling the truth. 

And honestly, I immediately felt guilty after the conversation was over. I felt like the person I was talking to did not deserve the response that I gave them. But then I thought about it for a second and realized I needed to stop. Stop feeling guilty. Stop beating myself up. I spoke to them respectfully. And that “response I gave them” was just the truth instead of an easy answer. And that truth is my life. Why should I feel guilty for telling someone about my life? Sure, my initial reason for telling them was not necessarily right. I told them out of frustration with the way the conversation was going. I used it as a “well you won’t stop asking, here have this answer then...” moment. That was wrong of me. And that part I do still feel bad about. But the answer that came out of my mouth is not something I need to feel guilty about. 

I think I will always struggle to know the difference between someone who legitimately wants the real answer and someone who just wants an easy one. And, even though I know I shouldn’t feel guilty—even though I can tell you time and time again that I shouldn’t and you shouldn’t either—I probably will continue to air on the side of “I’m doing well, thanks!, “oh I’m just waiting til my next doctors appointment” and the ever popular “yeah it sucks, but I’m making it!” 

It’s an ongoing struggle, but I know I’m not alone in it. 

So here’s my challenge now for you: if you ask someone how they’re doing, whether they are sick or not, mean it. And tell them that you mean it. Tell them that you want the real answer. Because chances are, they aren’t giving it to you—and chances are, they want to. Be that person that lets them. It matters. I promise.