Saturday, May 14, 2016

"My dog had Lyme once..."

Today I was at an event with my puppy and I passed by a table that was about Lyme prevention for dogs. A whole table. About how to keep your dog from getting Lyme. Part of me didn't even want to look (and that part of me should have listened because WOW on the giant picture of the tick that they had front and center on their display) but I decided to look as I walked by. There was so much information. So much information on how to keep your dog healthy and free from Lyme. 

Why? 

Why is that possible? Why can we keep our dogs Lyme free so easily, but Lyme in humans is such a big problem? Why can my puppy get not only tick protection but a lyme vaccine? Why could my old dog get a Lyme test done right by the vet in my living room and have an answer within 2 minutes that told us that he did have Lyme and then get antibiotics that same day, no problem? Why is it so easy? Just because they are animals? I don't say things aren't fair very often...but there's no way you can tell me that's fair. 

I love my puppy more than I love most things, but I don't love the fact that I can't get the same treatment as him. I'm by no means saying our animals shouldn't get this treatment...I'm saying 100% that humans should be getting the same thing. If it exists, it should be able to exist for humans, too. 

No matter how you look at it, it doesn't make sense and it isn't fair. 


Friday, May 13, 2016

Friday the 13th.

Today is Friday the 13th, a day normally associated with bad luck. But, if you know much about me, you know that I was born on Friday the 13th, making it a pretty lucky day in my world! I also have a quite a few friends with birthdays on the 13th in different months, and those are pretty lucky days in my world too!

So, I thought today I would talk about luck. It would be easy to sit here and tell you why being sick makes me unlucky. How much Lyme sucks. How much I hate it. How much it has rocked my world, in a not-so-fantastic way. But I'm not going to do that. Instead I'm going to tell you 5 reasons why my life as a 25 year old girl with Lyme makes me the luckiest girl in the world.

1. I appreciate this world and the life I live in it SO much more than I would if I was walking through it like I used to before I was sick.
2. I have the best friends in the whole world and they make this battle a little easier just by being in it with me. They've proven that they aren't going anywhere, no matter how sick I get, and that's not something they signed up for, but something I will appreciate forever.
3. I have met some really hot doctors.
4. I have found a job where I get to share clothes that make me feel better about myself with ladies who also, in turn, feel better about themselves! And that is such a blessing that I never expected but will never take for granted.
5. I get to spend so much more time with my wonderful, beautiful mama who is exactly what I need to help me survive this hell that we're walking through. I may be 25, but I am forever thankful for my mom and everything she does for me everyday--Lyme wise and otherwise.
6. This is a bonus one, but it's just as important as the others. Without my Lyme, I wouldn't have my blog. And, without my blog, I wouldn't have you all reading it. And without you all reading it, I wouldn't have the happiness in my heart that you bring me. So, thank you. Thank you for being part of my lucky.

So yes, Lyme sucks. I'm not going to tell you that's not true. But if you have the option of focusing on the fact that you're unlucky or the fact that you are so lucky (which you always do) it's so worth looking at why you're lucky. It makes a world of difference in the long run.

It's not always easy. But it's always worth it.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Lyme facts.

Yesterday's post was about a lot of emotions. Today I want to talk about the furthest thing from emotions--facts. I've talked before about Lyme symptoms, but it's been a while. And if there's only one thing you read on my blog and it's this, I will be happy. If you read this post and realize that you've been experiencing one of these things and know that it isn't right and it leads you to a diagnosis, I will be happy. If you read this and feel like you aren't alone, I will be happy.

One important thing to note before reading these symptoms is that Lyme disease occurs in stages. So these symptoms come and go. They change. Every day. Nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is certain. But all of these things point to a clinical diagnosis of Lyme disease and that is nothing to mess around with.

The most well-known symptom of Lyme disease is the bullseye rash. But, a large majority of people infected with Lyme disease never see a bullseye and, therefore, can't catch the disease early enough for quick treatment. Early Lyme symptoms mimic the flu, so it's easy to miss, especially without seeing a tick or a rash. Other early Lyme symptoms include: Bell's palsy (facial paralysis), headaches, and extreme fatigue that's out of the ordinary or not caused by things going on in your life.

Antibiotic treatment can be very effective if you catch Lyme early! This is why it's so important to check for ticks, remove them properly if you find one (I have a post on this too if you aren't sure how to do it) and take the tick itself in to your doctor to have it tested.

Late stage Lyme is a whole different story. Lyme disease is often called "the great imitator" because its symptoms imitate so many other illnesses, making diagnosis sometimes seem nearly impossible. In a majority of cases, people diagnosed with late stage or chronic Lyme are told they have fibromyalgia, lupus, multiple sclerosis, ALS, multiple forms of cancer, Alzheimer's, chronic fatigue syndrome, or any combination of these and other diseases and disorders before finally coming to a Lyme diagnosis. During the struggle to receive a diagnosis they are often dealing with symptoms such as: joint pain and swelling, muscle pain and weakness, twitching, persistent headaches, numbness and tingling, facial paralysis, dizziness, poor balance or difficulty walking, burning or stabbing pains, confusion, word loss, memory difficulty, vision change, light and sound sensitivity, mood swings, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, difficulty breathing, rib/chest pain, insomnia, chemical sensitivity, allergic reactions, weight gain or weight loss, enlarged lymph nodes, heart palpitations, and more.

Once you have late stage/chronic Lyme disease it migrates throughout your body, changing constantly. The bacteria mainly affects the skin, joints, heart, and nerve tissue (which includes the brain) but it can choose to bury itself anywhere in your body. During its life cycle, Lyme can manifest in different forms (which only respond to certain treatment), can flare up with new symptoms, or can go into remission (which is the ultimate goal). This makes attempts at treatment ultimately extremely difficult. Those antibiotics that can work for early Lyme don't work so easily at this point anymore. Treatment is much more difficult. The road is much longer.

So, please, do me, yourself, and everyone in your life a huge favor--take Lyme seriously. It may not seem like a big deal from the outside, but it is. It so is. Check for ticks. It seems silly. But it's important. Taking the time to do it is more than worth it in the big picture.

It's better to take 2 minutes now than to take years out of your life because you didn't find a tick now.

Trust me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

When you find out someone else has Lyme.

Finding out that someone else in your life has Lyme is strange. It's a feeling unlike any other, really. It brings about emotions that you don't know what to do with. It's a punch in the stomach, lump in the back of your throat, shaky hands, have to take a breath, kind of moment. It's something you aren't really ever prepared for.

It doesn't really matter how you know the person. It doesn't matter if you like them. It doesn't matter if you are friends with them or not. It doesn't matter if you will ever talk to them about it or not. Finding out that they have it feels the same no matter what.

There's the relief that comes along with knowing that you aren't alone. It's so nice to know that someone else shares your story. When you hear that someone else has been through the same thing it validates your situation just a little more. Not that you need to be validated by anyone else--but as someone with Lyme, you've been knocked down, you've been doubted, and you've been told that you're faking so many times that it's nice to hear that someone else knows what you're talking about.

But there's also a sense of sadness that comes along with it. Sadness for them. Sadness that they have felt the pain that you've felt. Felt the fear that you've felt. Felt the uncertainty that you've felt. Struggled the same way that you've struggled. Been where you've been. And also sadness for yourself. Sadness that you understand where they've been. Sadness for both of you. Sadness that you can relate. Because no one should know what you know.

There's also a sense of jealousy that you can't help but feel if they are better and you aren't. No matter how hard you try and avoid the "why me" feelings, this is the time that they tend to creep in. And then you get angry at yourself for feeling jealous. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. But goodness, it is hard to keep it away when you see someone else getting the one thing you want--their life back.

So, if reading my blog has ever brought about those feelings in you, I am sorry. I know how real those feelings are. I know how intense they are. And I never wish them on you.

The only one I do wish for you is that you always know that you aren't alone.

Ever.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

5 kinds of friends.

There are five kinds of friends you need in your life when you have Lyme.

1. The listener: This is one so important. You need someone who will literally just listen. Not tell you what to do. Not suggest things that their mom's brother's mailman's sister's friend's teacher's dog did once. Not tell you that they know someone who died from Lyme. Not tell you that you're wrong. Just listen. You have enough doctors telling you what to do. You have enough people doubting you. You have enough questions being asked of you. You just need someone to listen. And it's a bonus if you're comfortable enough to cry in front of them. A friend who you can trust enough to cry in front of is a an invaluable treasure.
2. The couch sitting friend: This one is also amazing. This is the friend that invites you over to their house/lets you invite yourself over to their house/accepts it when you just walk into their house and will just sit on the couch with you because they know you can't do anything else. This friend doesn't push you past what your body is able to do. This friend doesn't try to make you keep up with everyone else. This friend accepts where you are right now instead of trying to take you to where you "should" be. This friend deserves all the couch sitting snacks.
3. The investigator: This is the friend that helps you find things that will actually help you. They do research for you. They find legitimate suggestions for you--not crazy things they've just heard of, not just quick fixes--real things that they want for you because they think they will make you better, and that's what they want for you more than anything.
4. The friend that makes you laugh: This is the friend that shows up when you least expect it and makes you laugh when you didn't even know you needed it.
5. The all of the above: This is the friend that you thought of when you read through this post and realized that they fit into all of these categories. This is the friend that is such a precious part of your recovery that you can't imagine doing it without them. This friend may have been around for years or they may be a new friend. They may be your age, they may be a younger friend that you've taken under your wing, or they may be an older one that has taken you under their's. No matter who they are, where they came from, or how you became friends, they are such a vital part of your healing.

If you have any of these friends in your life, tell them thank you. Tell them thank you for helping you through the hardest time in your life. Tell them thank you for helping you through something that feels absolutely impossible. Tell them thank you for helping you when even your own body is fighting you. Tell them thank you for helping you survive.

Tell them thank you right now.

...Thank you!

Monday, May 9, 2016

Confusing.

Being sick is confusing.

It's confusing how you can know your truth so certainly, yet someone else can so certainly tell you that it is wrong. It's confusing how you can try to stand up for yourself and get beaten down just as quickly. It's confusing how someone can look you in the eye and tell you that they can't do anything for you when you're desperately asking for help.

It's confusing how your body can so intensely fight against you when you're the only one living in it--the only one on it's side. It's confusing how you can give your body what it needs, yet it won't give you what you need in return.

It's confusing how you can live with something for so long but it still seems just as raw every single day that you wake up and realize that it's still there. It's confusing how it never feels okay. It's confusing how the fear still feels so palpable and the tears still fall so readily. It's confusing how it never gets easier no matter how much time passes.

It sucks. And it's nothing I would ever wish on anyone. If you are sick and confused, know that that feeling is valid. You are not alone. I don't understand either.

Being sick is just confusing.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Thankful.

Tonight I feel thankful.

I'm thankful for the friends I've found during my Lyme journey--the friends who didn't know me before I was sick, and love me anyway, even though all they know is sick Leigh. I'm thankful for the friends I had before I got sick and have stuck by me through it all. I'm even thankful for the friends who have left me because of my Lyme because they've taught me what really matters and what really doesn't.

I'm thankful for friends who listen. I'm thankful for friends who don't try to tell me what to do. I'm thankful for friends who ask questions. I'm thankful for friends who want to see into my world.

I'm thankful for friends who know the struggle, even if their battle is a little bit different. I'm thankful for friends who have been through their own things and are here through mine. I'm thankful for friends who don't make me fight this thing alone.

And if you're reading this, I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful that you're on this journey with me. I'm thankful that you read what I write. And I'm thankful that you're making this effort to learn about Lyme.

Thank you.