When I was sitting here thinking about what to write for today’s post, I was kind of stuck. I have some bigger topics that I want to write about, but I want to give them more time than I have right now. So I wasn’t really sure what today’s post should be. Then I realized I was scratching my arm. And that gave it to me!
When I think about my life with Lyme, I think about some big things that have been struggles, of course. I’ve talked about those big, life altering things many times before. But what I haven’t really talked about are the little things. The little things that you probably wouldn’t even think about. The little things that I know I wouldn’t think about someone having to deal with it I wasn’t dealing with them, myself.
Let’s start with the one that sparked this post topic—my itchy arm. My picc line is covered, 24/7 with an adhesive dressing. I don’t have a specific allergy to the dressing, but think about having a bandaid on your skin, non-stop, for 6 moths straight. It only comes off for 5 minutes once a week for another one to be put back on. The skin underneath of it is blistered, burnt, and itchier than anything I have ever felt before in my entire life. And I can’t truly scratch it because it’s covered in the adhesive plastic. It’s quite literally an itch I can’t scratch.
The next thing is my hair. I have not washed my own hair in 6 months. If you know me in real life you know that my hair is kind of my pride and joy. It’s the one thing I constantly get compliments on. It’s the one thing that I have going for me. But for the last 6 months it’s been such a struggle. Sometimes I go a week and a half without washing it because I don’t want to have to ask anyone to do it for me. And then when someone else does it for me, it’s not an easy task. It involves me hanging over either the sink or the bathtub while I cover my arm with a towel so it doesn’t get wet. It’s not comfortable, it’s not easy, and it’s frustrating.
Then there’s the clothes struggle. And this one doesn’t just have to do with my picc line. There is a symptom of Lyme that makes the sensation of fabric too much to handle. I don’t experience it all of the time, but there are definitely times that I do. Waistbands especially. Bra straps. Necklines. Anything restricting. It feels like I’m being strangled, stabbed, and eaten alive by fire ants all at the same time. You’d never know it from the outside because well, I have to wear clothes, so I work around it. But it’s a terrible feeling. And one that I would never know that someone else was experiencing just by looking at them.
Just a few things to think about. Little things that, like I said, I wouldn’t know that someone with Lyme was dealing with if I had never dealt with them. Something that I don’t think you probably know about me by looking at me. But something that matters, because it’s part of the bigger picture of why awareness and help for this awful disease matters.
If you are dealing with these sort of things that seem like the little things compared to the ones that feel much bigger, please know that they matter just as much. Every part of your battle—whatever that battle may be—matters just as much. And I see you.
Thank you for seeing me, too.
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