A dog--survival key #6

#6: a dog. 

Okay, so maybe this one isn't a key to everyone's survival when they have Lyme...but it's certainly a key to mine.

If you know me in real life, you know that I love my dog. Like, he's probably my favorite thing on this planet if we're being real. If you don't know me in real life, let me tell you now; I love my dog. He's probably my favorite thing on this planet if we're being real. 

Keeper (that's his name if you're new here) isn't a service dog. He isn't specifically trained to help me when I'm sick or to sense things or anything like that. But he gets it. He understands when I need him near me. And he understands when he can't be excited around me. He understands when I'm crying. And he understands when I'm angry. He just gets it. 

He's probably 90lbs at this point. And he 100% thinks he is a lap dog. But, after I had gallbladder surgery last year, he didn't once try to jump on me. He sniffed my incisions when I came home, and he understood. He knew when I put a pillow over my stomach that he could lay his head there, but he never once tried to jump on me like he normally would. He just gets it. 

He licks my face when I'm crying. And he lays close to me when he knows I'm sad. He just gets it. 

I was going to say that I don't know how the Lyme life would be without a dog, but I do. Before Keeper we had Hershey. And, after Hershey died we had 3ish months without a dog before we got Keeper. I was so sad. Partially because I missed Hershey, but also because this crazy Lyme life felt impossible without a dog by my side. Keeper made things okay again. 

Maybe you don't like dogs. Maybe you're afraid of dogs. Maybe you're allergic to dogs. That's okay. Find something like a dog. Something that understands you without you having to tell them. Something that just gets it. Whatever that thing may be for you. 

I know I, for one, am forever grateful for mine. 

Forgiveness--survival key #5

#5: forgiveness. 

Yesterday I missed my blog post for the first time ever. I have always prided myself on being able to get a post in every day during May, no matter what. But last night I missed it. I fell asleep super early, slept through dinner time, slept through everything. My mom woke me up at midnight to make sure I took my medicine, and then I fell back asleep until this morning. 

And I missed it. 

I was so upset when I realized it this morning. Then I decided that I needed to forgive myself. 

Forgiveness is vital when you're sick. 

You have to be able to forgive the people who say things that hurt you. Sometimes the hurtful words are on purpose, but most of the time they just don't know what they're saying. Or the extent to which they're hurting you. 

You have to be able to forgive everyone who doesn't believe you. They don't believe it because they've never lived it. It does seem unimaginable and unbelievable until you are living it. 

You have to be able to forgive the doctors who have told you that it was all in your head. They ultimately lead you to the one who was willing to save you.

You have to be able to forgive the people who have left you. Not everyone can handle the life you've been given. Hell, sometimes you can't even handle it, so you can't expect anyone else to. 

And, ultimately and most importantly, you have to be able to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you make. Forgive yourself for the things that you say when your brain is not yours--when it belongs to the bugs. Forgive yourself for the plans you have to cancel. Forgive yourself for the times you can't get your words to come out. Forgive yourself for the times you've called yourself stupid because you can't think like you used to. Forgive yourself for the guilt that you place on yourself. Forgive yourself for not living the life you planned to live. Forgive yourself for not being yourself. 

Being sick is a journey that you're never going to forget--but you HAVE to be able to forgive. 

Time--survival key #4

#4: time. 

Today is a perfect time to talk about this one. 

Sometimes, when you have Lyme (or any illness. Or really just in life in general) you need to give yourself time. This could be time to do something that will make you happy. It could be time that you spend with someone that matters to you. Or it could just be time to rest. Whatever your heart needs. It's vital to give yourself time for that. 

Today I needed to give myself time to sleep. I woke up this morning and was so swollen that I felt like I was going to pop. I had things that I needed to get done today, but my body made it very clear that it just needed time. Time to sleep. 

So I gave it that. 

Things will get done tomorrow. Today I just needed time. And that is okay. 

An interruption.

I interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to bring you something besides a survival key because there's something I saw that bothered me today and I need to tell you about it. (Wow on that run-on sentence.) 

Let's talk about this quote: "the healthy have many wishes, the sick only have one." 

Now, of course, I'm only one person. I can only speak for myself. But I also have quite a few friends who are sick also and I'm pretty sure they would agree with me. I'm sick and I sure as hell have more than one wish. 

If you were to ask me what I wished for, I would say having my health back is number one. I'll give you that. However, my list doesn't stop there, by any means. 

So, I thought I would share with you a list of my current wishes. The things I would wish for on a birthday candle. Or a shooting star. 

1. Delivery Chick-fil-A 
2. A bigger vehicle
3. 24/7 sweatshirt weather. 55-60 degrees preferably. 
4. A new computer 
5. Delivery Chipotle
6. A teleportation device 
7. An apple watch
8. A shed to run my business out of 
9. A puppy 
10. A self cleaning bathroom 

So, there you have it. 

It feels kind of unfair to me to assume that just because I'm sick it automatically means that nothing else besides getting my health back matters. Of course I'm working diligently to get my health back. Of course I wish for that every chance that I get. But, sometimes a girl can throw a penny in a fountain and wish for a drone to deliver tacos to her house, you know?! 

Just because I'm sick that doesn't mean that everything else around me shuts down. It doesn't mean that all I can see is sickness vs health. It doesn't mean that I'm nothing if not my sickness. 

So next time you see that quote, or a variation of it, because there are many variations that I've seen, think before you repost it. Think about the fact that it kind of sucks to see the mindset that just because I'm sick I don't have anything else worth wishing for. 

I may have Lyme, but Lyme doesn't have all of me. And this is a perfect example of that.  

Grace--survival key #3

#3: grace.

There are a lot of times that I push myself too hard. And by a lot of times l mean like a solid 80% of the time. But then there are times when I am forced to give myself grace. To realize that it's okay to take a break. To realize that the world is not going to crumble down around me because I take an extra nap. To realize that I need to take a breath if I'm going to make it through this life. 

So tonight, I've been thinking and trying to come up with something to write about. I've been wracking my brain trying to put the words together. But I can't. My brain is tired. My body is so so tired. And I just can't do it today. 

But that's okay; I'm giving myself grace. 

And tomorrow is a new day. 

A bed--survival key #2

#2: a bed (or a couch, or a reclining passenger seat in the car, or even a floor really.) 

Now, this one seems pretty self explanatory. Everyone needs a place to sleep, right? Well, yes. That is true.  However, I don't just mean a place to sleep at night. I don't mean you need a bed (or a couch or wherever you are able to sleep) just because it's a human necessity to sleep. I mean, there are times when you all of a sudden NEED to lie down or else your body will force it upon you in the form of passing out. And, at that point your body has given 100%, plus some, and it needs to recharge. 

I like to think of my bed as my charging station. 

I'm that phone that gets to 30% and then suddenly the battery goes dead and it needs a really long time even on the charger to come back on. We've all had that phone and we all know how annoying it is. 

Well imagine that happening to your body. 

You're chugging along (most days your chugging is along the lines of the little engine that could; "I think I can. I think I can.") and then all of a sudden your body is done. Usually without warning. And usually without much time to do anything about it. You need that charger and you need it now. Or else you're going to be absolutely no good for quite a while. 

It's not a question at that point--you have to lie down. 

So there's always that thought in the back of your mind of "where am I going to be able to lie down?" When you walk in a new place, you scan the room for a place you can at least sit, if not lay. And if all else fails, you find the exits so that you can get to your car as quickly as possible. 

(P.s. I can show you all of the quickest ways out of Walmart, Target, Michaels, etc. if you ever need to know.)  

Somewhere to lie down is 1,000 times over a survival necessity. 

You probably don't think much of your bed. It's just a thing. But, as I write this from the comfort and security of my own bed--knowing that I'm not going to fall down, I can close my eyes safely if I need to, and if I get dizzy I'm not going to go anywhere--I'm super thankful. 

Best friends--survival key #1

I've decided, for the next 10 days of posts, to talk about 10 things that you can't live without when you have Lyme--or any chronic illness, probably. 

So here we go! 

#1: a best friend. 

I'm super fortunate in the friend category. I have amazing humans that have somehow decided that I am an okay enough human that they want me in their world. How and why they have decided this, I'm never really sure. I am, however, always incredibly grateful. 

A best friend is an integral piece of survival when you're sick. Even though they don't necessarily understand the ins and outs of your illness or your exact struggles, they know the ins and outs of your heart. And, when it comes down to it, that's what's really important. 

A best friend is your sounding board. Your shoulder when you need one. Your distraction when you need one. Your chef when you need one. Their couch is your movie theatre seat when you can't do anything else. And they fill in every gap in between. 

A best friend gets it when you don't talk to them for a little while because your illness is taking over. A best friend doesn't make you feel guilty for the life you're having to live now. And a best friend will help you pick up the pieces--because, when you're sick, there are always pieces to be picked up. 

Without my best friends, I would be much more lonely, a lot more grumpy, and all around less of a functioning human. 

Without my best friends this journey would be hopeless. 

If you're reading this and you're one of the people that I am lucky enough to call my best friend, thank you. I am forever grateful. Forever honored to be walking this life with you, even though I can't always keep up. And forever thankful that you've stuck around. I truly believe that "in sickness and in health" is a friendship vow, as well, and I'm so glad you are honoring that one. I love you. 

And, if you're reading this and don't know me or you don't feel like this applies to you, I appreciate you reading, anyway. Everything that I'm going to talk about for the next 10 days (9 after this one) is an important part of awareness, too. Each one of these things is necessary, outside of the actual meds and stuff, for survival when you're sick. Because survival doesn't just mean that your heart is still beating--survival goes much deeper than that when it's what you're fighting for every day. And I hope over the next 9 days I can show you that. 

Thank you. Whoever you are. Thank YOU.