"Okay, is that it?"

Today I was at the doctor's office and I caught myself saying something that really hit me.

There was a new tech and she was inputting information into the computer system and she asked me about my medicines. It was a simple conversation that went like this:

Tech: "are these meds listed here the ones you're still taking?"

Me: "no, the first two I don't take anymore. The dose on the third one is changed. The next few are fine. And then I have some more to add."

She then proceeded to change everything I told her and said "okay, is that it?"

And I half jokingly said "I think so? They change so much I don't really know anymore."

Now, I do actually know because I have a list in my phone of my current meds. But what hit me what that when I said it she laughed. And I laughed. But the reality of the situation is that I don't remember a day that I wasn't on some sort of medicine. I don't remember a day when I could carelessly go through the day without having to think about if I took my medicine, or if the reason I'm feeling the way I'm feeling is just because of a medicine change or if I need to be concerned, or if I need medicine refills. I don't remember the last time I could stay at a friend's house without having planned it ahead of time because I have to have medicine with me at night. I don't remember the last time I could just go a day without being reminded by those medicines that I am, in fact, really sick.

And, don't get me wrong--I'm thankful. I'm thankful for modern medicine. I'm thankful that I live in a place where I'm able to get to a pharmacy and to reliably get the medicine that I need. And I'm thankful that I have insurance to help me with it.

But damn.

It would be so incredibly nice to go one day without thinking about it.

And I live for the day that I can finally say..."you can take all of those off the list."